*Jesus and the big BANG*

Text von Nica, Illustration von Dora

"Jesus!" I screech when I see a boy's face in the mirror. He chuckles. "You can call me Evan, most people do, you know." I roll my eyes and try to be casual about the scare. "You just scared me." He grins. "Me or Jesus? I'm not sure exactly." This boy, I swear. "You... Evan, jeez." He turns around to face me directly, instead of trough the reflection. "Jeez is a funny nickname, but I like my name as a whole better." I stare at him. "Jeez, Jesus." he explains, using his hands to fortify the words. I don't respond. "Oh come on, I was just messing with you. It's Delilah right?" I nod tentatively, desperately wishing there to be more than one bathroom. Preferably one without this annoying person in it. "There's a song about you." I scoff. "Oh really?" He grins again. His green eyes sparkle and for a moment I forget what I came here for. "Really, shall I sing it to you?" Well that proposal certainly puts me back in the present. "No thanks, I'm just here to-" "Do I turn you on?" What? "What are you...why?" He subtly points at my bust. It takes only a quick glance in the mirror to find out the visibility of tautness through my sweater. Shit. I cross my arms over my chest. "It's just cold." "I bet I'm just too cool for you." "It happens to boys too." I quickly scan his chest, but unfortunately he's not showing any sign of being cold. He wiggles his I brows. "I bet it does." He steps forward and I step backwards, almost tripping over the bottom of the doorpost. "Well well, already falling for me are we?" I glance up at the joy in his features. "Classy, really." I mutter, turning around. I'm not going to stay here. "Hey there Delilah, are you going, are you leaving, yet so soon? don't you have something left to do, I'm asking you" He sings it in the same tunes as the song. "I'm going to brush my teeth tomorrow." He laughs. I hate that, because it makes me want to laugh as well, but I'm supposed to be too pissed off for that.
"You choose bad breath over my presence?" I turn around and flash him a smile. "Any day." His face radiates amusement. "Well not today, just come brush your teeth, I was about to." I lift an eyebrow. He makes a come here motion. "Come on, I won't bite while brushing my teeth." Well that ought to be true. "Also I won't speak." Plausible. "Hey there Delilah, let's go brush some teeth together, come back in-" I raise my hand to indicate him he can stop. "I'll come, just stop singing please, for the love of god." He winks at me when in step on the cold tiles again. "I do love my father very much." I swat his arm and grab my toothbrush out of my pocket. "You are never going to let this go, are you?" He smiles and shakes his head. "Not any time soon." I sigh while putting my glitter toothpaste on the brush. "Jeez." He chuckles. "I hear what you did there." I roll my eyes at him again, please let there be no eye muscle strain tomorrow, and stick the minty substance in my mouth. He does the same thing, and for a few minutes it's quiet except for our brushing sounds and breathing. I use the time to subtly look at him in his reflection. His hair is tousled, almost black, pointing in almost every direction. His forehead is completely even, I mean, how can anyone have such a perfect skin.?! I avoid looking at my own display of tiredness, and instead focus on his eyes. So, so green. Around the edge there's a little bit of brown and more to inside there are- oops. He is so onto me. I blush when our eyes meet and look away. There are tiny bits of gold in them. Wow.
I'm grateful for the fact he can't really speak.
"You like what you see?" He asks when he's done. I spit out white foam and take as long as possible to wipe my mouth with my hand, washing it of slowly. "Hello?" "It's me." He chuckles "I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to-" "No." I tell him. Shooting him a smile. He lifts his eyebrows. "Well that is just rude! You didn't even know what I was gonna say!" I shrug. "Of course I did. I mean, hello, Adele sang it before you said it." He rolls his eyes at me know. I'm surprised by the ease with which he executes the movement. "I was going to ask you if you'd like to brush your teeth with me." He grins again at my undoubtedly surprised face. "Oh." He starts to chuckle again. Don't laugh Delilah, don't. "Nah I was going to sing 'meet'. I'm sorry, you have somewhere else to be?" I smile sheepishly. "Yeah, well, actually I need to use the toilet." "Really?" I nod. "Hm-hm." He doesn't move. "Aren't you gonna go?" He leans back against one of the walls. "Do you want me to?" I scoff. "Well yeah? Of course I want you to!" He shakes his head and crosses his arms. "I'm fine right here." What on earth is his problem? "The people I sacrificed myself for are making a mess." Ah nice one Delilah, thinking out loud. "Well obviously I won't spend time or effort on forcing you to do something, but I just didn't think anyone would want to watch me pee." He doesn't say anything. I send him telepathic waves: "LEAVE" and "GO AWAY!" I even try "This is NOT the girl you're looking for." But it doesn't really help. Actually it really doesn't. Thank god I'm not wearing anything too weird. There will be no awkward undie-less moment due to my fabulous nightgown (there's a unicorn on the front) so he can watch all he wants, he won't see a thing but my rainbow hipsters.
When I am seated and my hipsters are just above my knees I can't help but check if he's still standing there. He is. He even winks at me. "What exactly is your goal in being here?" I ask, focussing on the tiles in front of me instead of his eyes. "I just like to make you uncomfortable." I look at him again. "Why? Why would you want that? Is that like your turn on? Getting on girls' nerves? Those are not the good nerves, you will want to be on other nerves." He just looks at me like I'm a two year old who is not yet ready for the grown up world. Ugh! I should not let him irritate me this much.
"I can't pee when you look at me like that." I just know he's grinning. "See, I do have an effect on you." I laugh without joy. "Yes, the effect of acute constipation that is." He chokes on his saliva. Ha! That was almost too easy. I relax at the thought of how his face must look in agony.
When I'm done I get up and walk to the door again. "BANG!" I scream and trip over something on the floor in my spastic scare reaction. Oh no. Bathroom floors are 20% more likely to kill you then normal floors are. Shit. With my luck I'm so gonna die.
Just as I close my eyes before impact I feel two arms underneath my arm pits, hoisting me onto my feet again. I breath out a shaky breath.
"I knew you'd fall for me sooner or later." I open my eyes to find him grinning that annoying grin again. It almost makes me want to punch him in the face. Almost, I'd never dare to ruin such a beautiful piece of human.
"Really? This again? "The 'bang' was only the toilet top" I cross my arms over my chest agin. Feeling my cheeks heat up. "Well, my toilet top doesn't do that." He laughs. How much joy can fit into one person? Doesn't his face hurt from showing happiness all the time? "You did fall." I purse my lips. "Falling 'for' and falling 'in front of' are two very different things." He shrugs. "They won't be." "Besides," I add, ignoring his comment, "I didn't even fall." And with that I turn around. This time actually watching my step. "Hey there Delilah, it was very nice to meet you, see you soon, oh all the things that we could do, just me and you..." I groan at the oh so familiar sound with different lyrics. Almost out. "Oh it's what you do to me, oh it's what you do to me," when I'm outside of the bathroom I close the door behind me. I can still hear his voice trough the wood.
"What you do to me, what you do to me." What on earth did just happen?